archive.tylerdave.com » Funny

Annoying Dream

tylerdave — Mon, 03 Nov 2003 16:28:16 +0000

This morning I kept floating in and out of a dream where my cat was outside the bedroom window, scratching at the screen. Annoyed by all the scratching, I yelled, “shut the hell up!”

From outside the window I heard the reply, “aw man, I’m sorry.” Startled into half consciousness, I saw the source of the reply through the cracks of the blinds: A man on a ladder with a paint scraper, presumably preparing to paint around the window. By the time I went downstairs to see exactly what he was doing, he was gone.

About ten minutes after all this, I got a call from Chili’s asking if I could start my training today. So I’ll finally be working for the first time in six weeks, and I’m actually looking forward to it.

Damn Funny

tylerdave — Tue, 05 Aug 2003 02:12:02 +0000

If you ever want to make Megan laugh Diet Pepsi out of her nose, just change the channel to TBN when Praise the Lord is on.

Where Do I Sign Up?

tylerdave — Tue, 17 Jun 2003 04:26:21 +0000

I just knew this picture had to be from Portland even before I read the caption.

Where Are My Keys?

tylerdave — Tue, 27 May 2003 14:04:02 +0000

In order to remember to bring my lunch to work with me, I’ve been clipping my keys to my lunch bag when I put it in the refrigerator in the evening. This method has worked very well.

Unfortunately, it’s also a good way to make sure you can’t find your keys when you’re already running late for work. You’d never think to look for them in the refrigerator.

CSS on the Brain

tylerdave — Sun, 04 May 2003 10:56:28 +0000

You know you’ve stayed up too late playing with CSS when you catch yourself thinking “That soffit above the refrigerator would look better with a slightly bigger margin-bottom.” I wish I was making this up…

Resealable Bags Resolved

tylerdave — Wed, 19 Mar 2003 18:45:39 +0000

I was in a store recently and again saw Hanes resealable bag of socks that I mentioned before. Since we weren’t able to come up with a good reason for the bag being resealable, I contacted Hanes to ask.

Here was their (now seemingly obvious) response:

The reasealable bags are for consumers to be able to open the bag and bag and view the product.

If you should have any questions or need further assistance, please call us at 1-800-994-4348.

Weapon of the Week

tylerdave — Fri, 21 Feb 2003 21:10:53 +0000

As heard on today’s edition of The World, there’s a humorously insightful column in The Village Voice about the Pentagon’s more intersting weapons developments.

Scroll down to the bottom of the page for more interesting weapons, such as ‘The Electrocuting Water Cannon‘.

Resealable Socks

tylerdave — Fri, 31 Jan 2003 13:30:53 +0000

This morning I put on a new pair of Hanes socks and I noticed the the bag they came in is resealable. The packaging even brags about the ‘New Resealable Bag.’ The question is: Why would you have any need to reseal a bag of new socks?

Snowball Fight!

tylerdave — Fri, 22 Nov 2002 19:55:42 +0000

In a moment uncharacteristicly fun for my workplace, I just took part in an indoor snowball fight. I think the perfect packing snow is the only good thing about this time of year. Too bad the damp snow / black ice mix isn’t too fun to drive home in.

Are You A Yob?

tylerdave — Thu, 14 Nov 2002 03:58:27 +0000

I wouldn’t normally post a link to such a bad (and very British) quiz but it was so strange to hear NPR’s Robert Siegel direct listeners to the Are You A Yob? quiz on the Guardian website that I just had to. The radio segment was about British Parliament considering extending pub hours past 11PM for the first time since WWII.

The quiz wouldn’t be too bad if it had some indication of the scale of the score.

Apparently I’m an 11, whatever that means.

One More AOL CD

tylerdave — Wed, 23 Oct 2002 00:43:49 +0000

There’s been stories in the news and on Slashdot recently about No More AOL CDs.com.

After reading them I thought to myself, ‘Huh, I haven’t gotten an AOL cd in a while…’

Guess what I got in the mail today?

m@b

tylerdave — Mon, 14 Oct 2002 02:39:16 +0000

A new issue of m@b (Matt B.) was released today and is available at his website. I’m not quite sure what, but something about his three-panel comics really strikes a chord with me. It’s as if he leaves the fourth panel undrawn, for the reader to come up with himself. No matter what does it, it’s funny. Check it out.

O’Reilly Defiled

tylerdave — Wed, 02 Oct 2002 04:44:29 +0000

Megan and I frequent the Westlake Borders. I usually get a large coffee and browse through the computer books.

Tonight I picked up XPath and XPointer and Programming Web Services with SOAP (both by O’Reilly). I went to sit down in the music section but I ran into Megan on my way over there. She said the DVD section was being reorganized and that they were being loud about it so we went to find somewhere else to sit. We found a chair and adjacent table in the audiobooks section.

Megan sat in the chair and I sat on the table behind her. Megan tried to poke me to get my attention and in doing so almost knocked my coffee over. I moved the coffee closer to the back of the chair so she couldn’t reach it again. I got back to my book and read a couple of pages about XPath. I put the book down so I could look at the other one when I noticed on the shelf to my right a David Sedaris CD that was on sale. I leaned over to pick it up when I felt a strange warm then immediately burning sensation on my upper thigh. I jumped up to see the table (and O’Reilly books) covered in a thin layer of coffee. Thats when I noticed my shorts were soaked.

Megan ran to get napkins from the cafe area, I located an employee. He didn’t look to happy that he was the one I happened to find first. He was nice enough about it though and grabbed a towel to help clean up the mess. He kindly took the two books behind the main counter and filled out an inventory loss report for them. Megan and I slinked out of the store as quickly as possible.

It’s amazing how defeated one feels with a warm, wet backside in public.

From what Megan and I can figure, I must have put the coffee cup too close to the back of the chair. When she leaned over to ask me a question the cup got bumped. Because I was looking at the shelf I did not catch what was happening until it was too late.

The one good result of all this is that my car now has the subtle but distinct aroma of Columbian Roast inside.

The Sun is Bright

tylerdave — Wed, 18 Sep 2002 04:25:15 +0000

Over the past three weeks or so I’ve developed a new pet peeve: On a normal Cleveland [cloudy / partly-cloudy] day I make it to work in 26-30 minutes. On a clear day however, things get bad. Because the first ten minutes of my commute is due east, I am driving in the direction of the rising sun. I know this. I don’t have sunglasses but if the sun bothered me enough to affect my driving, I would. I don’t understand why there’s so many people who make the same daily commute but forget that the sun is bright. Because the drivers are unprepared for this, every time they round a slight curve that directs them into the sun they slam on the breaks. Breaks are not good for highway traffic. On days like this it takes me between 50 and 75 minutes to get to work.

Luckily, today I saw something that made my drive more amusing: Traffic was moving at about 20 MPH and most everyone was being good about letting others change lanes and merge. At the W 140th entrance I let two cars merge into traffic ahead of me. A third car, a little shiny white Honda Civic tried to aggressively get in front of me. Since I had already let two cars into traffic, I blocked this guy (I’m usually a nice driver but I don’t take that kind of crap). Immediately he was riding my ass, honking his horn and flicking me off. It seemed like a bit of an overreaction but that’s how people are I guess. The guy continued to drive like an idiot for the next two miles. Every time traffic would come to a stop I could see him start to yell. Eventually he got the opportunity to pass me. This is when I came up with a theory of why he was so pissed.

The driver was a man who appeared to be in his early fifties. He was dressed in a nice suit and looked like a business man. The car he was driving had a pink furry steering wheel cover, pink fuzzy dice, white leopard print seat covers and one of those silver shiny oval stickers that said ‘Princess’ on the rear bumper. My guess is that his car would not start this morning, so he had to borrow his daughter’s car. Because of his car troubles he was already running late without the extra sun traffic which really upset him.

The sight amused me enough that I enjoyed the rest of my drive to work.

Disband the Internet?

tylerdave — Fri, 06 Sep 2002 04:50:12 +0000

This image is a scan of the back cover of a computer game published in 1997.

What did lawyers think was going to happen to the Internet?